Just A Bit of Awareness

So here I am typing and working when my phone vibrates.

(305) area code appears and of course, with all the "wrong #s" I've received lately, I answer it, knowing quite well that it will most likely be another "wrong #".

And viola! It is. His name is Hector. But he tells me the truth, which is nice. He tells me that he got my # from Juan.

Ah! Good 'ol Juan Rivera. Ugh. I told him quickly "Well, my # is circulating quite a bit down there in Miami!"

I told him this in English and he goes "Miami, yes, Miami." I knew he had no idea what exactly I had just said in English, so I translated what I said into Spanish.

Then he goes "No, no. Only I have your #."

Really? "Then how did you get it?"

"Juan Rivera gave me your #," he says. "Well, then you are NOT the only one that has my #, then are you?"

Ha! Silencio. I love it. :) He knew I was right. So like I always do when I'm peeved, I went on and on.

I tell him "So, let me get this straight: Juan has my #. Rafa has my #. And now you, Hector, have my #. Wow. I bet many men down there in Miami are going to have my #. What do you want Hector?"

He told me "What's your name?"

"My name? You want to know my name? You should already know it."

He tells me "No, I don't know it. Juan just gave me your #, that's all."

"Well, Juan knows my name, you can ask him for it then!"

More of our convo:

Him: I saw your picture and let me tell you, you are a princess, a beautiful doll.
Me: Oh, why thank you very much. That's sweet.
Him: How old are you?
Me: 23.
Him: 23?
Me: Mhm.
Him: Where you live?
Me: In Georgia.
Him: I live in Miami.

(*Uhh duh, I already gathered that, thanks to Mr. Juan Rivera!*)

Him: Can you send me your picture and I send you mine?
Me: Umm I thought you already saw my picture?
Him: Yes, but I want one. And I'll send you mine.
Me: Sorry, I can't do that. I have a boyfriend.
Him: Aw, you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Him: But we can be friends?
Me: Friends? What is up with this friends thing? No, we can't. My boyfriend is very jealous.
Him: He's really jealous? Where's he from?
Me: He is from Mexico.
Him: Ah, Mexico.
Me: Yup. And let me guess, you are from Guatemala?
Him: Yes.
Me: Mhm.
Him: Can't we be friends?
Me: I already told you, no we can't. I have a boyfriend. And it wouldn't be right.
Him: Just FRIENDS though.
Me: Listen, if I didn't have a boyfriend, then it would be different.
Him: Send me your picture then, please?
Me: I'm sorry, can't do that either.
Him: Okay, well take care.
Me: Thanks, you too.
Him: Bye.
Me: Bye.
Him: Bye.
Me: Bye.


So as I am thinking of my relationship with Cele, I think subconsciously I already know that it is not going to work out. And I don't believe it is because of him, well maybe, but I don't know.

You are going to laugh when I tell you this, but I have a small box where I have all the #s of what I like to call my "future prospects." I have even gone as far as thinking of calling up my ex-boyfriend, Marcial. Just to see what he is up to.

Is it for attention? No way. But when we last spoke, he told me something that I will never forget: "Megan, why is it that we never have lost touch? I mean something always brings us back together. Someone wants us to be together, Megan."

I'll never forget those words. I have always thought of Marcial as my "Jack." lol Think Titanic if you have NO idea what I mean!!!! ;D

But if I was so "stable" or sure about Cele, WHY would I think this? Only a relationship where I was sure, well I wouldn't be keeping #s of guys I don't know (besides my ex) for "future prospects" in a small box like that...UNLESS I subconsciously knew that it wasn't going to work out.

I have been thinking on whether I break up with Cele now or before he goes to Mexico or just keep on. Guess it's my fear of thinking "What if?" and not wanting to have that in the back of my head.

I have even had thoughts of repairing my relationship with the husband....yep, I've spoken to him lately, and it was NICE for a change of pace lol. We kept it civil and he still asked me if I was seeing Cele. Sure, I am, but who knows what will happen, I tell him. We didn't argue either, which was nice. But deep down I know I can't "reconcile" with him. I still feel our relationship will always be toxic b/c of the hurtful things that have happened between us. Trust would DEFINITELY be an issue.

I love Cele, I really do. But there are times lately where I just want to be ALONE. Away from everyone. There are times where I think "I need a man who doesn't have baggage."

There are EVEN times where I want to dig out this old # that I have from this fine sexy Latino, Luis, and call him up, just to see what he is up to. IF that # is still in service lol! Who knows! It has been like since 2003! So like 5 years?

There are ALSO times where I want to look up my first boyfriend. Felix Madero Medin. I'm SURE he is with someone, but he is the only ex that I truly respect. He is the only one that came back to apologize.

He had actually came that night to ask me to marry him. To get back with him and then we'd get married and have kids.

He also told me flat out that he needed papers. Well, hey he was honest. He could be back in Mexico for all I know though!


My mom says this relationship is heading no where either and that he is NOT going to leave Lucia. Man, does THAT hurt hearing those words. I could cry right now.

It hurts because I AM FUCKING TIRED OF MY MOM BEING RIGHT ALL THE GOSH DAMN TIME! WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND A MAN WHERE MY MOM IS NOT RIGHT ABOUT! JUST FOR ONCE?

Sorry for the language. I'm just SO depressed about this. Well, I think it has come to that time again. For an ultimatum lol! Gotta love those.

I'll give him enough time to tell her, IF he choose to, and it will be until January 1st 2009.

He has until THAT DATE to tell her. And if he doesn't, well then that means that he isn't sure about me and him nor abt leaving her. Sooo I figure Adios!

Another thing, re: his kids! He claims he doesn't want to lose his kids, well really? He LIED to me about those kids. He kept it a secret for SIX months and he doesn't want to lose 'em? If he can lie to me for 6 months about having NO KIDS, SURELY he can tell Lucia and his kids over the phone that he "plans" to stay with me, right? They surely don't mean THAT much to him or he would have came clean in the beginning!


So.......wish me luck with este tipo!

I'm Still Alive! LOL

Just a quick update for everyone:

I'm alive and well. Still kickin' ROFL. :D

Things are going semi-okay. Lately, I have been feeling depressed and just, well having no motivation what-so-ever. :(

I do not know what is wrong with me. Feeling a TINY bit better today. Maybe because I got out of the house this morning. Before this morning, I have literally been "chained" (haha) to my home! I work at home, study at home, and hardly EVER get out of the house unless it is to see Cele, which is like 1-2 days a week!

Lately, him and I have been spending our time A-L-O-N-E on Sundays, which is really nice. I really enjoy spending time with him.

He notices a change in me too. One minute I'm happy, the next I have a "serious tone" as he likes to call it. My mom says I could be bi-polar and I say "No way."

I think it could be because 1 or 2 things (or both of 'em together):

#1: I NEVER get out of the house anymore. Like I said: Working and studying @ home almost 24/7.

#2: Cele's situation.

#3: Both of those mentioned above.


I try not to think about Cele's situation, but literally, there are times where I feel that I either want to end things with him and have him straighten his "shyt" (b/c that is EXACTLY what it is) out, or I want to continue the relationship w/ him and see what could possibly happen.

I am trying not to think black and white with this situation. I really am. I am trying to be what I have read, a "grey thinker." Ha! Easier said than done.

So I think that is why my moods are up one minute and down the next. I saw this commercial yesterday . . . three women were discussing how their moods have changed, they are more happier, etc. and it's all because of Sam-E Complete. Well, I am going to try it for 1 month and see how it affects me. 1 month couldn't hurt me, right?




Anyways, onto news about college. Doing really good in my classes. First paper I wrote I got an 88% and the second one? Ready for this?

98%!

Holla! LOL

Work is going good. I have another WAHJ in the works and I start training for the job next weekend. I get to finish up some assessments Friday through Sunday and then the BIG stuff starts. I am hoping all works out so EVENTUALLY it can work out where I can get my own place ;) OR get some money coming in! :)


AND I just received live feedback from my boss, she says I am doing a great job: My dials are up, my quotas are very good and I am following the script to a T. How lovely! I really love my job! :)


Well, that's all for now. OH! And Cele and his uncle will be moving out of his trailer SOON towards the end of this month and MAYBE (not sure yet!) I might start spending the night there on weekends, just to get a feel and see if Cele and I could possibly get along living together and whether I'd get sick of him or not HAHA! Hey! You never know! :)

Until then . . .

I'm Back!

So . . .

Nothing happened with Hanna, thank God. :)

It bypassed us and was quite close but luckily and thankfully we just got rain and no thunder nor ANY type of storm at all. We were LUCKY!

As for Ike, poor people in LA. How sad. Muy triste and I wish them the best and I am praying that no one dies or is severely injured.


On another note, this new weight loss plan that I am on is working wonderfully. :) I am proud to say that I have already lost some weight and it has only been since Saturday since I started my new way of eating. (I haven't even worked out either.) Though I plan on doing that soon.

I am not posting how much I have lost YET though. After all, it is ONLY because my body is in shock & also b/c I am eating a lower amt. of calories as well as losing the water weight.

An update to me and Cele: We are doing SUPERB! I totally adore him STILL and realize, yes, he has his little flaws or whatever, but MOST of us do. He is a SWEETHEART and I know that he loves me. It is SO obvious with these little things that he has done. I won't share 'em here though (unless you ask me to and/or are curious) but they are a TAD bit personal, but in every single way A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E.

As for work with NRT, it's okay. I like it and I dislike it. Just like with any job. I did complete job training with another WAHJ and I did a voice test for ANOTHER WAHJ!

The 1st one if I pass the bilingual test, I can make up to $13 an hr! For the other one, it is on the phone but calling and scheduling interviews. I did that A LONG time ago so I've already got experience.

As for college! OMG I finished and turned in my FIRST writing assignment last Sunday. It was close to 700 words and my fingers are crossed that I pass it and do good on it -- since I am NOT the best writer.

I love all my classes though, well I only have TWO but they are awesome!

Life is sure good and it just seems to get better and better! I am losing weight, losing my debt, gaining my B.A. in my favorite subject, and have a great guy. <3

That's all for now. Just wanted to quickly update you all.


And uh Ojos Verdes? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG? I miss reading your juicy love stories and updates about your life! :( Hope all is okay with todo!

And I hope all is okay with ALL of YOU! :D

I Think I Officially Need A Sign . . .

(I posted this back in July...Looks like things never change!) :o/


*sigh*

Why do people enter my room when they KNOW that my hours for working are from 4pm until 9pm with an hour break if I choose, in between those hours?

I think I officially will be making a sign saying that I am working and please DO NOT come in and to call my cell phone (which is on vibrate for emergencias) if they need me and leave me a message.

Hmm.

What to do, what to do? Thank God I don't have children yet! My gosh! :/ *shrugs*

My Last Post Until After Hanna

This will be quick since I am going to work in about 20 minutes.

As most of you know (I think) Hurricane Hanna has turned into a Tropical Storm once again but it's projected path is right towards us or near us.

I am very worried and my parents, Cele and I have been keeping track of its projected path and any new info that comes up.

We might be evacuating (minus Cele -- *cries*) tomorrow evening or Thursday. It is supposed to turn into a Category 2, which could put our home and island under water. We could lose everything.

This is just awful. Cele just called me up sounding so sad. I told him that we could lose everything and we might have to go to live in another state, like NY or somewhere b/c we would have NO WHERE to live.

He told me that me and my parents could come live with him and his uncle. I MIGHT take him up on it, depending on WHAT EXACTLY happens, BUT my parents wouldn't.

Cele started crying saying that as soon as we find out if we are evacuating or not, he wants to come see me to say good bye. He doesn't know what is going to happen between me and him and he started crying SO hard. Which then made ME start crying.

This is NOT fair. I am thinking many thoughts:

(here is a messed up translation in Spanish of que kiero hacer)

Que kiero hacer es . . . quedar con mi hombre. No kiero ir con mis padres, no kiero dejar mi hombre. Lo quiero y lo amo mucho mucho, con todo mi corazon.

Pero mi madre va enojar conmigo. Pero sé que toda va estar bien con mi madre y con mi padrastro. Ellos no necesitan preocupar por mi.

Solo sé que kiero quedar aqui con mi hombre. No importa que pasa.


Am I wrong to think and feel this way? What would YOU hacer en mi situacion? Cele is much safer where HE lives then where WE live.

Que piensas?


That's all for now! Must start work! Hey, and I started college yesterday. English Comp 101, it's hard but VERY interesting!


I love you ALL and please keep us ALL in your prayers!!!!!!