5 Minute Update!

So I am literally going to give you a 5 minute update. So here goes....

The main reason why me and Cele were taking a break is because of my messed up hormones. That's what pregnancy will do to ya lol! But everything is good now, I was sick for the past week now and Cele spent three days by my side "taking care of me" and what not.

We both have an understanding now and that's all that needs to be said about that.

I am typing from my laptop right now. That's right. I went out and splurged a bit on myself because I figure when this baby comes, there will be NO splurging on ME lol, just on baby, so hey, this will be my LAST splurge for QUITE a while. Which is awesome. It was a great purchase. I just got it tonight from Best Buy. Would have bough it from Circuit City but hey, they are closing down if not have done that already and well, that's another blog in itself right? :)

So what else can I tell you? Oh yeah, I am 12 weeks today! And counting......;)

And I have a job interview this coming Wednesday.

OMG and my last OBGYn appt went well! Sorry about the typo, this keyboard is awesome though even though I'm not used to it, wouldn't change it for anything in the world hehe.

Anyways, we heard the heartbeat. So since we've seen the heartbeat, heard the heartbeat, and I'm now at 12 weeks without ANY problemas, the miscarriage rate goes down by SO MUCH, so that is all good news.

My little baby's heartbeat. It was an awesome thing. And the Dr. says that I am progressing wonderfully and that he is very pleased with everything too!

That's all for now. Have to catch some zzz's as I am still a bit sick and feeling under the weather.

Will check in again soon! Ok, ok, so my update was 6 minutes. So sue me! Oh and one other thing, the movie Gran Turino is a great one, so WATCH IT if ya can! ;)

~M~

Taking A Break

Yep. Me and Cele are taking a break. This started yesterday actually, which was our 1 year anniversary mind you! So needless to say I never thought that this would be happening, but whatever.

It was my idea and really, I'm actually not going to get into the details of what happened because I don't need the stress of talking about it especially in my condition. I just told him that during this time he needs to think of what is important to him and what his priorities are.

We still are keeping in touch on the phone, just not seeing each other for a long while. The ball is in his court so-to-speak and when he decides what is important to him, if he wants me in his future, and if he is going to change, then that's when we'll see each other again.

He told me that he never thought I would do this. I told him that I never thought that I would have to!

He cries each time on the phone when we talk. (And they are genuine tears, not manipulating tears or whatever as some have mentioned in the past). Crying is how he deals with things when he is hurt instead of burying it inside him. I'd much rather have him be a "cry baby" or whatever than bury it inside him and have it come out FULL FORCE when we argue or what not.

Anyways, I hope that this separation is very short because I DO miss him. He's a good guy, just well, you know. He's a stubborn guy. Like most of them! :)

I am replaying Akon's "Right Now (Na Na Na)" over and over again. It kind of describes how I am feeling a LITTLE bit but it also has an awesome beat.

I'll keep everyone updated on what happens. Hoping and praying for the best with EVERYTHING.

WOW! Shocking News For You!

And it was shocking news but not surprising news of course, as I already felt it in my heart that it was going to happen or that it might have already happened.

What am I talking about you ask?

Daniel is with someone else. Just like me and is also in my same situation. The guy is going to be a father! I know, I know. I am shocked just like you. A tiny bit of me feels hurt in a way and disappointed, like now this is really the end of us. Just have to get divorced.

I'm happy for him though, don't get me wrong. He knew this girl, her name is Dulce, and she was his "first love" so to speak. They dated back when he was 15 years old. He's 26 now and she is 21. She is due in March and they are having a baby girl.

Daniel knows about me too. My parents think that he lied about it all because I was the one who told him about my situation first. I didn't mean to, but he STILL has his way of getting me to talk lol. It was weird when he was asking me questions and I was asking him questions. It was like, I don't know just downright weird.

He wants to marry her too. He asked me if I love Cele. I told him yes, I do. He didn't say anything about Dulce, nothing about loving her or anything. When I asked him what was her name? He hesitated and then told me. Kind of weird to hesitate, but whatever.

They live together too and he says that me and Cele should live together too. It is the right thing.

Daniel does not seem to happy about the pregnancy, I mean Dulce's, not mine. He was shocked and said "I can't believe that you are pregnant Megan." and he kept asking me if I was taking care of myself. He asked about my prenatal vitamins, if I'm showing yet, have I had an ultrasound, etc.

It was weird talking to him about it all because we talked like we were friends. I secretly am hoping that his waiver doesn't get approved, but only because I selfishly do NOT want to see him because I know how I am, yes I love Cele SO SO SO MUCH, there is NO denying that. But to see Daniel again, especially in MY situation and with his situation? Nah, I'd rather not see him again. I think we'd both feel crappy. Maybe not though, as people DO change.

He told me that he wishes my baby was his or Dulce's baby was his with ME. I couldn't believe he said that. I think he is just being a man and "stepping up to the plate." I don't think he really loves her loves her. Hey, I give him credit though for being man unlike little boys out there who don't want the "responsibility", etc. lol (no one in particular mind you, just in general!) :)

And Dulce knows about me. He told her upfront when they started talking again. It is just SOOO weird how me and Daniel are in basically the same situations. I really am surprised at him though because he was always wanting to use condoms. Maybe he feels she is the one though.

My situation was not like that though. I think I've said this before, but Cele was SUPPOSED to be a rebound guy lol. But I fell for him and I honestly did NOT think that I could get pregnant, because when me and Daniel were a couple, it may be TMI so sorry about this ahead of time, but we had it unprotected all the time and nada. No baby was conceived lol. So I honestly thought that I could not conceive. (but then again, everything happens for a reason doesn't it?)

I know, I know. How naive! But the reason why I post basically my 'life story' is because someone out there may be reading it someday or even now and might say to themselves: "Hey, that sounds just like me!" So if ANYTHING I write sounds like your situation or how you have felt or feel, contact me! (that reminds me, I have comments I have to respond to lol! Forgive me!) :)

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So tomorrow it will be 1 year for me and Cele. I have been thinking of how to celebrate it. I am just going to get him a card in Spanish and write him a love letter telling him how much I love him, etc. etc. Ya know, all that mushy stuff.

Oh! And I'm 11 weeks today. Can't believe it. Time is going slow though. I would like to start showing already haha! :D I don't know if I am yet, could be bloating lol, but I can't fit comfortably into my regular pants or shirts anymore, already in maternity clothes! But they are pretty nice, thanks to my Mommy and Joe! :) *kisses and hugs*

Well what an update, huh? I am sure I will have plenty more and hopefully they are POSITIVE ones! I go back to my OBGYN soon and hopefully get to meet him! I also have been researching apartments and may have found one for CHEAP CHEAP rent!

Oh and spoke with immigration, and well, no decision will be made until at the end of March. I also asked Daniel when he was going to tell me about him and Dulce and the baby. He told me in person and when he came back.

I remember him telling me way long ago that he had something to tell me but he wanted to do it in person. I bet that was it.

One thing is for sure though: I don't believe that he is being honest with how long he's been with her because shortly after I got back from Honduras, he had changed. That is when I began questioning myself why I had married him, etc. AND that's why I went out with Jose and then after he "broke my heart" [lol] I went out and continued a relationship with Cele. I believe he was with her when we were still together.

So really regardless, NEITHER of us are innocent and both cheated as far as I'm concerned because we may be "broken up" but we are still legally married. I mean we are not even legally separated. But that's water under the bridge now and I feel as long as me and him can remain friends and/or civil, then things should be okay. SO WEIRD though that he's going to be a father and I'm going to be a mother! It is like this was God's plan. It's a weird one but I trust in Him, most definitely I do! :)



P.S. I remember praying to God after Daniel and I had broken up and I was with Jose. This was all before I even knew my precious Cele existed, but I prayed to God hard and said: "Dear God, Please let me conceive a baby someday with the man that I am supposed to be with. With the man that will make me happy."

Well...I know that He heard me, because I believe in Him and all that. So weird how I have had SO many chances conceiving and well, no baby was conceived until now. With Cele. So I think I might have gotten my answer, hm? :)

Ok, enough of all this. Time to go study.

First Ultrasound!!!

Wow, it was a good day, at least FOR ME it was. For Cele, I really do not know what he is feeling, as he really does not TALK that much.

But it is all reality now!

Below is a picture of my ultrasound. Both my mom and Cele were present for it, Cele cried a little bit hehe. We both saw it moving too as well as its little heart beating...it was a flashing light! It was so cool! I have never seen anything like it in my life!

My mom does not seem too thrilled though, she did not even see the baby move nor did she see the heartbeat. I really do not think she agrees with it and does not want to be involved because of the situation, I could be wrong though as I received many cute outfits for the baby for my birthday! She got really mad at me and told me that she is tired of being a mother. I would never say that to my child, I know she was just angry at me though, so really, never say never. Yeah, I know she is stressed or WHATEVER about this. What about me? Ya think I'm not? I'm going to try and find some type of housing though so I can get the heck out of here, I'm tired of people not being HAPPY for me and feeling SORRY for me instead!

If you don't agree with this: Keep it to yourself. There are SO MANY things that I do NOT agree with that people do, have done, or are still doing. I don't go and say anything because I don't want to hurt others, ya know? (and please DO NOT think that this is meant for ANYONE in particular because it really is not. Just warning you AHEAD of time what I think. And to my close friends [ya'll know who you are!] ANY feedback that I receive from you, well you know I appreciate you not sugar-coating it! :) Love ya'll!

But I am REALLY tired of PEOPLE saying "What ifs" and "What could bes" WHAT IS, IS PEOPLE! GET THE F*CK OVER IT! And that's the LAST time I am swearing lol, that kind of stress is NOT good for my little one.

On another note, below is an ultrasound picture. The technician was really sweet. I really like my OBGYN place, still have not met the "big guy" or Dr. Dueno lol! Seems like he is invisible though I hear his name (or "Dr. D") being called while I am there. Have not seen him yet though!

I have another appointment towards the end of this month. I was told I would not have another ultrasound until I am 5 months!!! WOW! Long time!

Ok, so I think that is enough of an update for now. I have to go study again. I'm still behind but thankfully I won't be soon! :D

So I leave you with my little miracle!

The Agreement and The Result of Being Told

Well, you are probably wondering what exactly is the agreement and what exactly is the result of being told, I'm sure right?

To start out: Cele and I talked on 30th and immediately I knew something was up. He told me that he was downtown in the city and watching the ships go by with his uncle Adolfo, and he was also thinking.

Hmm. Ok: So Cele is watching the ships go by and thinking? Not like him at all. The silence is then broken and he goes "You're right, Megan. Everything that you have said. You are right."

I was stunned and shocked. Here was a MAN who was telling a WOMAN that EVERYTHING she said was RIGHT. To make sure I was not hearing what I wanted to hear lol, I basically made him repeat it: "I am right about what?"

He told me everything that I have been telling him. About how his sister should know about me and him and how long we've been together, how I'm PG, etc.

He also apologized to me and asked me to forgive him because he has kept a secret of what we have.

The agreement: So that's what it was. Cele agreed with me and planned on telling his sister at her house on Sunday, January 4th, 2009. But of course, it seems like life planned something different.

The evening of the 30th, Cele's sister dropped by to talk with Cele. You see, Cele was supposed to call me at 9-9:30pm that night, but did not call me until a bit later. NEVER like him. He's always early or on the dot. Therefore, I knew something was up.

I really thought he was drinking again or something like that, but it wasn't. Not at all. I could hear in his voice that something had happened and of course, you know how I am, I was curious!

I told him "What's up? You are very quiet. Something happened, is everything ok?"

He laughs while telling me that "nothing is wrong" blah blah blah

If there's one thing I know: When Cele is lying or fibbing or trying to pull one over on me, he laughs. Any kind of chuckle or laugh. Even a nervous laugh. (You THINK he'd realize this and try to cover it up LOL!)

So after trying to convince him that I know otherwise, he goes "Ok, I tell you?"

I said "Ok."

Then he goes: "But I'm ONLY going to tell you if you stop asking me to do things like this."

I said "Ok, ok." (you KNOW I didn't fully promise that, right?) :)

So he tells me what happened: "She showed up. My sister. And we started out talking nicely...."

When he told me that I just KNEW it did not end well. And I was right.

He continues: "We started talking nicely and then I broke down and told her about you and she knows that you are my girlfriend and that we've been going out for almost a year."

Wow! It was music to my ears.

"So she knows everything?" I asked him. "She knows that I am pregnant too?"

The music to my ears fades when he tells me "not yet." I was a bit mad but I couldn't be. He was crying and crying hard because I mean he and his sister had just fought and she left very angry with him.

She asked if Lucia knew about me and him and he told her the truth: NO. She was REALLY mad by that and told him "Cele, you know what you are doing. You are not a kid anymore. You know exactly what you're doing. It's your life."

He then goes on to tell me that she left angry and that he is worried that his parents could find out and if THEY do, then Lucia will.

I did not say anything just gave him sympathy for him and his sister fighting and also told him "thank you."

So that's all that has happened. We got into a pretty good-sized fight on New Year's Eve and we both said "Good luck and Good Bye." I even told him that I did not want to have this baby.

16 minutes later he called me back and said "I'm going to the city and you do your thing and I'll do mine."

Another "Good Luck and Good Bye" was said and that was that.

That was around a little after 7pm. Then around 10pm he called back and was literally in tears! He told me "Forgive me Megan for all that I told you. I'm sorry. Forgive me, but you too said some things that I will never forget."

I asked him for forgiveness as well and told him that I am scared that he is not going to be in this baby's life.

He told me "How can you say that? And how could you say that you do not want to have this baby when I already love it so much?"

Wow. I was shocked when he said that, I tell ya.

So we made up. He fell asleep while the New Year rang in, but that's ok. I got to hear him snoring hahaha to start the New Year. I really wanted to be WITH him while starting the New Year, but beggers can't be choosers, or so-to-speak LOL.

Everything is ok now...we are still a bit quiet with one another after that big fight. It was terrible. I've never cried SO MUCH in my life I do not think.

We shall see what happens. I go for another OBGYN appt on the 6th. I think we get to hear the baby's heartbeat and also get to see it on the ultrasound! Maybe I will have a picture for you if all goes well! :)

I'm still all nervous about this thing though and wonder: Can I really do it? Can I be a mother?