Just A Bit of Awareness

So here I am typing and working when my phone vibrates.

(305) area code appears and of course, with all the "wrong #s" I've received lately, I answer it, knowing quite well that it will most likely be another "wrong #".

And viola! It is. His name is Hector. But he tells me the truth, which is nice. He tells me that he got my # from Juan.

Ah! Good 'ol Juan Rivera. Ugh. I told him quickly "Well, my # is circulating quite a bit down there in Miami!"

I told him this in English and he goes "Miami, yes, Miami." I knew he had no idea what exactly I had just said in English, so I translated what I said into Spanish.

Then he goes "No, no. Only I have your #."

Really? "Then how did you get it?"

"Juan Rivera gave me your #," he says. "Well, then you are NOT the only one that has my #, then are you?"

Ha! Silencio. I love it. :) He knew I was right. So like I always do when I'm peeved, I went on and on.

I tell him "So, let me get this straight: Juan has my #. Rafa has my #. And now you, Hector, have my #. Wow. I bet many men down there in Miami are going to have my #. What do you want Hector?"

He told me "What's your name?"

"My name? You want to know my name? You should already know it."

He tells me "No, I don't know it. Juan just gave me your #, that's all."

"Well, Juan knows my name, you can ask him for it then!"

More of our convo:

Him: I saw your picture and let me tell you, you are a princess, a beautiful doll.
Me: Oh, why thank you very much. That's sweet.
Him: How old are you?
Me: 23.
Him: 23?
Me: Mhm.
Him: Where you live?
Me: In Georgia.
Him: I live in Miami.

(*Uhh duh, I already gathered that, thanks to Mr. Juan Rivera!*)

Him: Can you send me your picture and I send you mine?
Me: Umm I thought you already saw my picture?
Him: Yes, but I want one. And I'll send you mine.
Me: Sorry, I can't do that. I have a boyfriend.
Him: Aw, you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Him: But we can be friends?
Me: Friends? What is up with this friends thing? No, we can't. My boyfriend is very jealous.
Him: He's really jealous? Where's he from?
Me: He is from Mexico.
Him: Ah, Mexico.
Me: Yup. And let me guess, you are from Guatemala?
Him: Yes.
Me: Mhm.
Him: Can't we be friends?
Me: I already told you, no we can't. I have a boyfriend. And it wouldn't be right.
Him: Just FRIENDS though.
Me: Listen, if I didn't have a boyfriend, then it would be different.
Him: Send me your picture then, please?
Me: I'm sorry, can't do that either.
Him: Okay, well take care.
Me: Thanks, you too.
Him: Bye.
Me: Bye.
Him: Bye.
Me: Bye.


So as I am thinking of my relationship with Cele, I think subconsciously I already know that it is not going to work out. And I don't believe it is because of him, well maybe, but I don't know.

You are going to laugh when I tell you this, but I have a small box where I have all the #s of what I like to call my "future prospects." I have even gone as far as thinking of calling up my ex-boyfriend, Marcial. Just to see what he is up to.

Is it for attention? No way. But when we last spoke, he told me something that I will never forget: "Megan, why is it that we never have lost touch? I mean something always brings us back together. Someone wants us to be together, Megan."

I'll never forget those words. I have always thought of Marcial as my "Jack." lol Think Titanic if you have NO idea what I mean!!!! ;D

But if I was so "stable" or sure about Cele, WHY would I think this? Only a relationship where I was sure, well I wouldn't be keeping #s of guys I don't know (besides my ex) for "future prospects" in a small box like that...UNLESS I subconsciously knew that it wasn't going to work out.

I have been thinking on whether I break up with Cele now or before he goes to Mexico or just keep on. Guess it's my fear of thinking "What if?" and not wanting to have that in the back of my head.

I have even had thoughts of repairing my relationship with the husband....yep, I've spoken to him lately, and it was NICE for a change of pace lol. We kept it civil and he still asked me if I was seeing Cele. Sure, I am, but who knows what will happen, I tell him. We didn't argue either, which was nice. But deep down I know I can't "reconcile" with him. I still feel our relationship will always be toxic b/c of the hurtful things that have happened between us. Trust would DEFINITELY be an issue.

I love Cele, I really do. But there are times lately where I just want to be ALONE. Away from everyone. There are times where I think "I need a man who doesn't have baggage."

There are EVEN times where I want to dig out this old # that I have from this fine sexy Latino, Luis, and call him up, just to see what he is up to. IF that # is still in service lol! Who knows! It has been like since 2003! So like 5 years?

There are ALSO times where I want to look up my first boyfriend. Felix Madero Medin. I'm SURE he is with someone, but he is the only ex that I truly respect. He is the only one that came back to apologize.

He had actually came that night to ask me to marry him. To get back with him and then we'd get married and have kids.

He also told me flat out that he needed papers. Well, hey he was honest. He could be back in Mexico for all I know though!


My mom says this relationship is heading no where either and that he is NOT going to leave Lucia. Man, does THAT hurt hearing those words. I could cry right now.

It hurts because I AM FUCKING TIRED OF MY MOM BEING RIGHT ALL THE GOSH DAMN TIME! WHY CAN'T I JUST FIND A MAN WHERE MY MOM IS NOT RIGHT ABOUT! JUST FOR ONCE?

Sorry for the language. I'm just SO depressed about this. Well, I think it has come to that time again. For an ultimatum lol! Gotta love those.

I'll give him enough time to tell her, IF he choose to, and it will be until January 1st 2009.

He has until THAT DATE to tell her. And if he doesn't, well then that means that he isn't sure about me and him nor abt leaving her. Sooo I figure Adios!

Another thing, re: his kids! He claims he doesn't want to lose his kids, well really? He LIED to me about those kids. He kept it a secret for SIX months and he doesn't want to lose 'em? If he can lie to me for 6 months about having NO KIDS, SURELY he can tell Lucia and his kids over the phone that he "plans" to stay with me, right? They surely don't mean THAT much to him or he would have came clean in the beginning!


So.......wish me luck with este tipo!