UPDATE: My Dr's Appt! :)

It went well. I had a urine test done as usual, blood pressure taken, and weight checked.

Then we got to hear the heartbeat again! It was just my mom and me this time, as Cele had to work, but it was nice. The heartbeat was even louder this time and stronger. Our Dr. says that it was a very good heartbeat.

He also said that my pregnancy is progressing extremely well and that there are NO problems. He also says that I'm gaining weight just at the right speed and that he doesn't want me gaining to much weight lol. Good thing, as my appetite is VERY low as it is haha, so that works out good. He told me that is normal though and that by 20 weeks the appetite will be picking up its speed.

Urine test was negative for any infection, blood pressure was normal (as it always has been thank God) and as I said before I had lost weight in my first trimester but have gained back what I lost in the second trimester. Lovely, but I'm still progressing well. So overall, NO complaints! :)

I received some nice samples today, my Dr's office is awesome! I received a new magazine called New Parents, a Target Baby Registry book, and a kit called "The First Trimester Kit." Too bad I didn't have that when I was actually in the 1st trimester but that's okay, as it came with a book called "Conception To Birth" which shows pictures of what the embryo and fetus look like as it develops and it tells what happens each month. It is quite cool, so its all good. As they say, "Good things come to those who wait."

Speaking of waiting....we'll find out what the gender is when I am 20 weeks. Blah. I was SO hoping sooner, but ultrasounds cost money as everyone knows, sooo I'm assuming it is THAT reason AS WELL AS my Dr. wants to be really SURE when he says if it is a girl or boy. Cele thinks it is a girl, my mom thinks that it is a girl, amigas that I know think that it is a girl, but me? I have NO idea lol! :) Either one is fine with me, just want the baby to be healthy! :)

But my next appointment is in March and I will update you about more then. I will be having genetic testing done, which is a blood test, and it will be telling me if the baby has any neural tube defects. I am sure all will be well though :)

Ta ta for now! :)

I don't really have a title for this one. All I can say is that an agreement has been made and I am happy about it and so is Cele.

Real quick, as I don't feel like blogging for TOO long, but Cele and I had a serious talk today and I'm proud to say that my hormones did NOT get in the way and I was not irrational jajaja. :)

The decision: Cele is NOT going back to Mexico...until...AFTER the baby is born. I told him "I don't want you going back to Mexico at all, Cele, BUT if I HAD to choose between you going BEFORE the baby is born or AFTER, I would choose after because I want you to know your baby. So for me, could you PLEASE stay here and then go back to Mexico to fix your stuff AFTER the baby is born?"

We really had an easy talk and I find it more easier to talk to him when I'm not "all out of control" with my emotions. He agreed and even promised me. I believe him too. He even told me that that was the best idea and he had been thinking about it.

So that's that then. Let's hope and pray that Cele does NOT go back to Mexico at all and just ends up spilling all his news on the phone instead! Whatever happens, happens though. It will all work out in the end, somehow some way. :)

I Feel Very Solita En Este Embarazo :'o(

I feel very alone in this pregnancy. I feel like Cele does not want to be involved or whatever. I mean the GUY wants to WAIT until he tells Lucia and his 3 kids when he decides to go back to Mexico and THEN we'll make plans to move in together. I feel like everything is on HIS terms when in reality shouldn't it be on OUR terms? Shouldn't we be making decisions about this together?

I know he cares about this baby and loves him or her, he has told me so many times. And I know he loves me. But ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I told him last night, well here's how the conversation went:

Him: Megan? You don't sound right. What's wrong?
Me: Well, I don't know if that's really the word for it. But there is something wrong. I really
wanted to tell you this on Valentine's Day but Valentine's Day is supposed to be a really
nice day, so I decided not to tell you but well, I feel very alone in this pregnancy.
Him: *silence*

He didn't even say ANYTHING except:

Him: So is that why you acted that way on Valentine's Day towards me?
Me: Well yeah, I guess. Yeah.

Him: *more silence*


WHY DOESN'T THIS GUY TALK? He has told me many times in the past that he does NOT talk, well it is TIME HE DOES.

I feel like I don't know WHAT he wants. I wish he would just open up to me. I honestly do NOT care if we were to live together and he had to keep talking to Lucia. I don't. What I care MORE about is our baby having TWO parents in the same home.

My mom has a new rule now, do I agree with it? I think it is KIND OF stupid as it will be affecting her grandchild and me, BUT THEN AGAIN, I see her point: Cele CANNOT come over to the house UNLESS an adult (my stepdad or my mom) is present. I know, I know. Kind of silly as I am already pregnant and I AM a gosh-darn adult. The thing is that she doesn't want me and Cele having sex in the house, she thinks that makes it too easy for him.

I agree with her BUT THEN I don't agree. WHAT is going to happen when this baby is born and Cele wants to see the child? He has to WAIT until Saturday or Sunday or my stepdad has a day off (which is every 2 weeks a month)? That is damaging to the child I think.

What I would like is to find my own place, but right now, that is just not practical. Even if I was working, you know???

I just wish there was SOME way that Cele would "step up to the plate" so-to-speak. He goes to each Dr's appt with me though, so I don't know. Is it my hormones once again?

I'm just SO damn sad! :( I need advice people! And I'll write to the ppl who commented me recently VERY SOON! :)

Ok! I Need ALL Opinions!

Don't you just LOVE the drama-filled life I lead? Well, I guess it could be MUCH worse eh? So anyways, I'm making this post quick and I will be responding to my readers' comments soon too!

So me and Cele have been going back and forth on this and back and forth some more. There is NO convincing him! What about you ask? Welllll, just tell me who is right and what would you do if you were me?

Now, you all know about Lucia, his soon-to-be ex girlfriend back in Mexico. Cele's been with her for 12 years and has 3 kids with her. Remember? Well, this is what Cele wants to do and then I'll tell you what I want to do.

Cele's View: He wants me to live with my parents after the baby is born and he will come visit our baby a few times a week or more (depending on my mom's rules). Meanwhile, he will be planning a trip back to Mexico to break the news to Lucia, his children and his parents that he wants to stay with me and about our baby etc. etc. Then after he returns from Mexico, he wants us all to be a family and live together. He says that IF we lived together BEFORE he goes back to Mexico he is worried about a few things: #1 he does not think it is fair to me if we all live together and he talks to Lucia, #2 he doesn't want to leave me alone in our place when he goes back to Mexico, he wants me to be all safe with my parents.

Okay, now as I'm writing this I just don't know if I trust the situation. I trust him just not the situation. After all the hurt I've been through I'm just afraid that I'll lose him. He assures me that I will not and that he will be gone for 2 months (or a little bit less) and then he will return and we'll live together (him, me and the baby) as a family.

Okay, so now what I would like to happen but now that I wrote his point-of-view out, maybe my idea is not so realistic after all.

My View: For me and Cele to start planning to find somewhere for us to live and then we move in together BEFORE baby comes. I feel that that is the right thing because Cele will miss a lot if he is not living with the baby: The baby's first word, when he or she first walks, etc. AND what about communication with the baby? I'm thinking that the baby will be surrounded with all English, how will Cele communicate with him or her when he doesn't know that much English? Maybe I'm just being hormonal haha. :)

Then I think: What will happen when Cele DOES go back to Mexico? I would have to think of daycare and be able to work and pay the rent for us or risk losing our home and moving back to my parents house for 2 months or a little bit less until he came back.

SO maybe Cele is thinking realistically. I just cannot wrap my head around it though: After I give birth, I'm sure Cele will come back home to my parents' house but then he'll go back to his house at night? WTF. Excuse my language but doesn't that seem dysfunctional or whatever?

He tells me that I have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way that I do but also he is right to feel the way he does too. And he's right.

I'm just really afraid of what might happen in Mexico. I mean him and Lucia, well they have a 12 year history together and what if, well YOU KNOW happens between him and her and she gets pregnant AGAIN. I mentioned this to him and he told me "You don't think I can keep it in my pants for a whole two months?" lol. I also told him that I think maybe me and him should break it off when he is over there, but then that's like giving him the green light to go ahead and mess around with a woman he "supposedly" doesn't love anymore right?

I even have to admit I have had thoughts of marrying him just to feel more at ease when he goes over there. But married to him or not, I told myself common sense: If a man is going to cheat, he's going to cheat.

Then I just push ALL those thoughts out of my head and really just think of his safety and how I hope he comes back safe and sound.



So what do my readers think about this one? I'm curious. I would LOVE to go with Cele to Mexico, but you know, I'm pregnant and going to have a baby, so either way that is out of the question!

Thanks for any comments in advance! :)

A Confession and A Misunderstanding

So this blog is about two things: A Confession and A Misunderstanding. Hey, now remember: I'm NOT perfect! :)

So Cele and I were chatting today on the phone and everything was going great until he mentioned he might be working somewhere else tomorrow but if not he will be coming to see me. Okay....well I asked him where he was going to be working.

He goes "You know, over there."

I said "No, I don't. Where?"

And I had a curious tone about me because after all, I was curious because he did not tell me.

He goes "You know, over there. Near my house."

I felt sick because I knew he had applied where that jack a$$ Jose works (or used to because honestly, who knows if he does work there anymore) (if you don't know or remember him, check out my previous blogs) :)

Anyways, I asked Cele "Did you apply there before?"

He tells me "Oh yeah, a LONGGG time ago." Oh no, it must be where Jose works.

I mentioned the name of the company and he tells me "No, that's not it." Well okay then, I feel better.

He asked me why I was so worried. I came clean (kind of) and told him that if he were to work with Jose or even come across him then he would know how I caused Jose problems with his wife. And no, my readers do NOT know about these problems that I caused.

Guess it is time ya'll do, hm? They weren't BAD problems, just a BIG lie that last a few weeks and then ended.

You see, when I found out that Jose was LYING to me from day 1, well I was pissed. Usually I would just let the b*stard get away with it, but this time, no. Something had to be done. I was tired of being walked allll over. So I called him up and told him that I thought I was pregnant. I know, I know. A terrible, terrible lie. But I did.

(Cele doesn't know this by the way, and really, is it any of his business? The only thing he DOES know is that I caused problems for Jose. But he doesn't know how I did. It's the past, but he tells me he wants to know...more about WHAT ELSE he said later.)

So anyways, Jose cannot believe what I am telling him and we hang up after I tell him I don't know what I am going to do. And trust me, since I have a heart, I DID feel bad lying to him about that.

His wife calls me back and says "What do you want with Jose now?" I told her that "Listen, I don't want anything with him." Then she asked me "Well then why did you call him?" I told her "Because I think I'm pregnant."

She goes "You're pregnant." Hey, she said it so in a way I "confirmed" it and just said "Yeah." She went on and on and told me that Jose just left the house and took the truck, probably looking for me she said, and that he did not tell her where he was going. She was basically accusing me of telling him to come to my house, yeah right. She then told me that she was going to call the police on him, blah blah blah and that I need to go look for him or call the police on him myself and get some money for the baby.

We hung up and that was that. Jose came to my house and we spent that last night talking. It was January 19th and I remember his wife called my cell phone about 20 times. He told me not to answer it. I really felt that he wanted to be with me and not her, that he was choosing me. I know, naive and stupid of me, but at the time I thought that I wanted to be with him. Then he tells me in the morning that he didn't want to be with me or her. He wanted to be solito to think things through and to just, well think.

I had felt used all over again. He took me to work that morning and didn't even kiss or hug me good-bye. I remember getting out of the truck and shaking my head as I left him, what a loser and a user!

I remember I drank a whole bottle of water while listening to what rooms had to be cleaned that morning, thank God I could occupy my mind with that.

I think that I talked to Jose again about a week after that and told him that I had "lost the baby." He told me that it was a lie. I told him that it was true. And that was that. I also told his wife the same thing, especially when her sister wanted to bring me to my Dr's appointment! Ha! It was turning into a soap opera toooo quickly. That is NOT who I am, so I had to end it and in order to do that, I had to say one more lie and tell them both that I had "lost the baby." I hated doing it but it was better than prolonging the lie.

Besides I wanted NOTHING to do with Jose ever again.

So that's my confession. I know it was a terrible thing to do, but the ONLY reason why I did it was NOT to get Jose. It was to prove to his wife that he WAS sleeping with me because I KNEW he wouldn't have the balls to tell her the truth and I wanted her to know what a SCUM Jose really was.

Stupid, I know.

And now, Cele wants to know how I caused problems with Jose. I'm afraid if I tell him he's going to be the type to think that I'm lying about being pregnant or something like that...but that is REALLY stupid because we heard the heartbeat and we saw the baby on the screen! NO FAKING THAT! :D

Then I'm thinking is it really any of Cele's business? I mean, the past is the past, right?

Let me know if I should be honest with him or not. I mean I'm just thinking that someday he's going to come across Jose somehow SOME WAY and Jose might look at our child and be like "Is that mine?" or something or other since he NEVER believed me that I "lost" the baby I lied to him about.

Or should I just leave it be. I think if I DO tell Cele the truth he has NO reason to react in a bad way, that is the past right? Right.

As for the MISUNDERSTANDING part of this blog, well I thought that Cele told me that if he doesn't like what I did to Jose I could lose him! My hormones are catching up to me, I can feel it because I feel like they are jumping all over the place.

So what does everyone think? Please don't think less of me. What I did could have been MUCH worse and it does NOT make me less of a person. :/

So Now I Am Selfish?

Okay, so I admit that sometimes I can be selfish, but sabes que? I think ALL people whether male or female can be selfish at least ONE point in their lives. I have two people, I will not mention any names of course, but they are saying that I am selfish!

HA!

That is too damn funny. I have a very good heart and try to make people happy and smile as much as I can.

Here are the reasons that were just told to me why I am selfish. Are you ready for this STUPIDITY and DRAMA?

1. I am selfish because I am sitting here on the couch with a new laptop that I bought with my own money and I've got the baby on the way.

My thoughts on this: This does NOT show that I am selfish! I bought this laptop for one, with my own money, the money that the college sent to me. Number two, I feel all non-productive when studying in my room with my desktop and I must say that I have completed close to 5 assignments today when using my new laptop. Four more assignments are done than what I usually would have completed if I were using my desktop computer in my room. And number three, yes I KNOW and I am FULLY AWARE that I have a baby on the way! The reason for my *splurge* is because after baby comes, I will be focusing my 100% and beyond that attention on that baby and doing SO much for him or her and giving him or her things. So overall, this was not a selfish purchase. This was a final splurge for me on something that I have always wanted.

2. Because I would like my stepfather to burn a DVD for me from online, The Uninvited. But you see, my mother does NOT want to see it because it is a scary movie. So I simply said "Well it would be nice if you [meaning my stepfather] would make it for me since you are making all the movies my mom wants and I only really am requesting one, and I have no problem watching it in my room since you both do not want to see it."

My thoughts on this: How the HELL does this seem selfish? It doesn't and that word is irrelevant!

3. Okay, so this next one is because I owe a good friend [well ex-amigo since we never talk anymore] but anyways I owe him $300. So the fact that I am sitting here with my laptop and have not paid him back his money, I am considered selfish.

My thoughts on this: He will get his money, he will. I had plans to pay him off with this money I received from my college, but I decided not to, and yes I will admit it, it MAY seem a teensy bit selfish of me, but again I had my reasons. I wanted to get this laptop for my studies and well, so far so good, as I have completed MORE things than if I were in my room studying.


My Verdict: I AM NOT SELFISH.

So do ANY of these reasons seem selfish? Maybe I am thinking in black and white but you know what? I am NOT selfish and I'm tired of people thinking that I am and saying mean shyt when I AM NOT the one that sits in the chair and plays a stupid video game on my PSP and ignores anyone and anything that is near me or walks by me or talks to me. I am not like that. I am MORE involved with this family than THAT person, again no name will be mentioned.